The other day I was standing in the self-checkout line when a man carrying a clipboard approached me and asked, “Who is your energy service provider?”
A people-pleaser by nature, I smiled empathetically, looked into the gentleman’s eager eyes, and said, “No. I’m good.”
And you know what he did? He moved on to the next person.
Every single shopper responded to his inquiry the same way, except for one who kept his gaze and cart fixated on the aisle ahead—causing the solicitor to jump into a Squishmallows’ display (which is the product he likely would’ve been more successful at selling, given the environment and level of thought most are prepared to give when running simple errands).
The point: Despite the fact that 99.9 percent of us claim to be afflicted with the “disease to please,” less than five minutes of primary research shows we do have the ability to say no—especially when there’s a clipboard involved.
Yet, when we open our calendars, they’re crammed full of things we’ve said yes to that overlap with other things we’ve said yes to, causing us to be consistently late—which directly affects our reputation. And no one wants to be known as “flaky” or “the one who’s always late.”
So how do you know when something is worth the precious real estate in your calendar, say no if it isn’t, and actually improve your reputation?
It all begins with knowing your values.
Identifying your values and then only committing to things that are in alignment with your values ensures that your calendar matches up with the reputation you want to have.
A simple exercise to get you started is to list what your values are, e.g., “health,” “family,” “financial security,” etc.
When doing this, it’s sometimes helpful to think about how others might describe you. If your best friend would characterize you as a “Yogi who gets up at dawn to do sun salutations 365 days a year and posts the benefits of it on Instagram,” it’s highly likely that you value “health.”
Because we advocate for our values.
Now open your calendar. Do you see any discrepancies? Did you RSVP “yes” to an event that’ll keep you up past midnight for the sake of avoiding FOMO (fear of missing out), and, therefore, hinder the health benefits of your Yoga practice?
(Note: We’re not promoting being rigid, just more mindful.)
The next time you consider putting something in your agenda, use your top three to five core values as a litmus test before adding anything new to your schedule.
Then you can focus on some of the other time management tips you’ve read about, e.g., allotting a certain amount of time for certain activities and asking:
What is the highest and best use of my time?
Is it humoring the solicitor at the grocery store for 20 minutes, or is it picking up ice to keep the snacks cool for your kid’s soccer game that starts in 20 minutes (because you value “family”)?
Asking yourself what the highest and best use of your time is helps you stay focused on your priorities and make important value-based decisions quickly, resulting in a greater ability to keep your commitments and choose activities that will move the needle—such as a coaching session (because you value “financial security” and want to grow your business). *Shameless plug
This means learning how to say no to your squad.
As comedic actress and author Amy Poehler says in her book Yes Please, saying no should signal “the end of the discussion, not the beginning of a negotiation.”
Still, while few (Texans, at least) have no trouble bypassing a clipboard-carrying solicitor, it’s not as easy to say no to requests made by friends, family, colleagues, customers, and clients.
In fact, according to the Thriving Center of Psychology, 58 percent of Americans have trouble saying no. And when we do, we come up with excuses—that may or may not be true—we think will lessen the perceived blow of the other person hearing the word “no.”
Which leads us to…
Practice saying no to small requests of little consequence.
Eventually you’ll begin to feel comfortable saying no to things that potentially could disappoint someone in the moment, but in the long run, won’t hurt him or her and in actuality will increase your sense of self-respect—because we teach people how to treat us.
Examples:
Request: “Would you like to stay for dinner?”
You: “Thank you, but not tonight. Another time perhaps.”
Request: “Quick coffee run?”
You: “Would love to, but I’m not at a good stopping point. Rain check?”
Request: “If you want to wait 15 minutes while I finish up, I can show you my latest TikTok post.”
You: “I bet it’s funny, but I need to head out in order to make it to an appointment on time.”
Notice how the above responses are polite but clear that your declining to participate means no.
Some requests aren’t even vocal.
Think about how many texts and emails (streams of consciousness) you reply to in a day—little time-sucks that result in your feeling frazzled.
If you’re working to meet a deadline or achieve a goal of any sort, you can stop the madness by replying with: “I’m in the middle of a project and will respond later.”
But for those who keep prodding, here are some other scripts to keep in your pocket.
There’s no denying we live in a world where anyone who wants something from us evokes a sense of urgency, making it all the more difficult to respond with the adage: “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”
(Even though it’s precisely what you’re thinking.)
For example, let’s say you’re in the zone working on the first chapter of your book and your sister sends you a text that catches your eye because it begins with: “Quick! I need…”
In case of emergency you open it: “I need…your opinion on these shoes!”
Rather than abandon your dream of becoming a published author, channel the professionalism of a famous author, and respond to such requests with:
- “What did you decide?” (Because you chose not to respond until you finished working.)
- “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” (We’ve moved on from the shoe analogy—though, completely confusing the interrupter could work.)
- “When do you need a response?” or “When do you need this done by?” (Oftentimes, we assume a matter is urgent, when, in fact, it isn’t.)
- “I have a prior commitment.” (Any form of me-time counts, even decluttering your closet while jamming to the soundtrack of Disney’s Encanto. #YouDoYou)
- “Now isn’t a good time for me. I’ll let you know if my schedule frees up.”
- “I’m flattered by your offer, but no thank you.”
- “The timing isn’t good for me. Keep me in mind next time?” (This one helps to minimize FOMO when the invite is enticing but would derail your focus.)
It goes both ways.
In addition, you want to show that you respect others’ time as well.
For instance, collaboration is key in the workplace; however, most people have multiple projects going and need time to focus on their assigned tasks. So what do you do when you need to ask a colleague a follow-up question pertaining to the project you’re currently working on without feeling like you’re interrupting the person’s train of thought?
If your colleague appears to be in a relaxed state, a respectful way to inquire about his or her availability is to say, “I’ve found myself at a stopping point on XYZ and would like your input before moving forward. When can we schedule 10 minutes to discuss?”
An email can be worded this way too if your colleague’s body language reads: “Do not disturb.”
The big takeaway.
Your reputation is dependent on doing what you said you were going to do, when you said you were going to do it—even when you don’t feel like doing it anymore.
This applies to all areas of your life, which is why it is so important to be particular about what you’re choosing to commit to and add to your calendar.
Thus…
Know your values. Ask yourself what the highest and best use of your time is. Limit distractions with the word “no.” Be cognizant of others’ time when making a request. And make sure you’re not carrying a clipboard when you do.
How to Dress for Success, Regardless of What Industry You’re In