In grade school (or Sunday school), most of us were taught what many regard as life’s most important rule of conduct—The Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated. You wouldn’t want to be teased or tormented, so you should refrain from doing this to others.
It makes sense. There are certain social contracts we abide by in order to function as a civil society. If we forget or refuse, well, we end up on the news.
What’s interesting is that while The Golden Rule is ingrained in us as children, we sometimes struggle to apply it as adults, especially in business. Perhaps because the way you or I want to be treated can actually be a far cry from how our teams, colleagues, and customers want to be treated.
In fact, if you’re a leader in any organization, you’ve probably come to discover that people communicate, behave, and respond to the same situation in vastly different ways.
How can this be?
If I want someone to present me with just the facts so that I can quickly make an informed decision, why do others act slighted by my direct approach when I communicate information to them in the same manner?
Apparently, creating a collaborative team culture is a little more complex than simply treating others as we’d like to be treated. Hence, the birth of The Platinum Rule: Treat others how they want to be treated.
This is arguably a nice upgrade. Getting free shipping and in-store “notes” that work like cash is exactly how I like to be treated when I pull out my platinum card at my favorite department stores.
But beyond feeling validated by our retail therapists, a question arises: How do we know how others want to be treated?
Sure, we can guess. After all, we spend more waking hours with our business counterparts than our friends or family, so one would think we’d know them pretty well. Or, maybe we could ask each other. However, stopping to ask every hand who touches a loan, per se, how he or she would like to be treated could be a tad inefficient when it comes to closing that loan.
Embracing The Platinum Rule involves assessing individuals’ unique behavioral and communication styles, such as whether someone is more apt to take immediate action on something; collect, analyze, and question data; make nice with everyone; or try to keep everything organized and in balance.
Perhaps, you chuckled and did a little head-bob after reading the above sentence, realizing one or more of the descriptors accurately fit someone you know. While merely teasers of what can be learned from studying organizational psychology, becoming aware of our differences is a good place to start if our goal is to have harmonious interactions. Because now—with the above people or personas in mind—you can ask yourself how your analytical underwriter might want to be treated. Or your no-nonsense AE, or seemingly serious real estate agent, or chatty customer service representative…
Someone you may’ve once considered boisterous may suddenly strike you as a real mover and shaker. As the adage goes: When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
When The Platinum Rule is properly put into practice, it can lead to a more unified team culture among myriad other benefits.
But what about you?
If you’re putting in all this effort to treat others how they want to be treated, will they, in turn, do the same for you…perhaps via The Law of Reciprocity? Maybe.
Or, you can gift yourself a newer, shinier rule called The Diamond Rule: Treat yourself how you want to be treated.
You’ve likely heard various renditions of this message, such as “You teach others how to treat you.” But when transformed into a rule, especially one that elicits images of something sparkly, it becomes something you want to buy (into, that is). For one, we’re taught to listen to rules. We’re also taught diamonds are valuable…so a diamond-inspired rule, well, grabs your attention, does it not?
(Note: If you’re wondering how The Diamond Rule got coined, it came from a discussion I had with an acquaintance who said she had a third rule—in addition to The Golden Rule and The Platinum Rule—that she followed. After describing it to me, I suggested naming it The Diamond Rule to follow suit…)
In fact, I propose that we put The Diamond Rule first.
And I don’t mean in a selfish way. But consider the connotations. What makes a diamond special?
- It has value. So do you.
- Its quality is determined by its clarity. The clearer you are about your vision, the more likely you are to attract the interest of others.
- And a diamond is forever, as is your legacy as a leader.
If we don’t treat ourselves how we’d like others to treat us, how can we expect others to respect us when we try to implement the other two rules? A leader cannot lead if others sense he or she lacks confidence, which arises from making the conscious decision to act based on a set of values.
And isn’t that what lies at the heart of each of these rules? Our values?
Imagine if we all took time to evaluate our values and worked to demonstrate them every day. (Even if our values slightly differed from those of others, we’d all at least be operating from a place of integrity.) So how might we show up and carry ourselves? What energy would we give off? What message would this send about what’s important to us, especially if what’s important is our ability to live by the second rule—i.e., being considerate of others? How would others then treat or regard us as leaders?
This is where I find my journal comes in handy! (Hint, hint.)
In effect, by prioritizing The Diamond Rule, we can better implement The Platinum Rule, and then realize the true meaning behind The Golden Rule.
Lastly, a great tool for reminding ourselves to follow The Diamond Rule is to wear a diamond every day—a promise (to yourself) ring, if you will. Personally, I prefer this to tying a string around my finger.
(Note: This article was not sponsored by Tiffany’s.)
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