Use This Word to Decrease Defensiveness & Promote Productivity in the Workplace

*Works at home, too!

When my kids were young and would squabble at the table, I’d stick a cereal box between them. It was a real sanity saver. And while I believe that leaders should look at everyone on their team as someone’s son or daughter and treat each associate how they’d want their own (grown) children to be treated, a box of Rice Krispies just isn’t a viable solution to diminishing conflict in the workplace. Real, HR-approved communication skills need to come into play. The one I’m about to share involves a single word:

—What—

Replacing the word Why with What does wonders for productivity (when used correctly). It stays in the facts rather than points fingers. Why triggers a juvenile response: Ask a child—“Why did you make this mess?” or “Why is there lipstick on the dog?”—he or she will most likely feel cornered, defensive, and even tempted to lie. This reaction is wired into us, even as adults.

Here’s how to promote a more productive reaction in the workplace using the word What…something I learned by happenstance. 

When I was an account executive for a national lender, I had a client who was questioning a condition an underwriter had made on one of his files. I pulled the file in question and couldn’t figure out why the condition was there either. So I went to the underwriter and asked, “Can you tell me what caused this condition?”

She immediately said, “Sure,” and flipped to the form in the file that generated the condition. There was no defensiveness on her part, and no accusatory tone made on my part. I realized in that moment, it was simply because I used the word What instead of Why. 

Had I asked—“Why did you put this condition on my client’s file?” or even if I’d removed the word You and asked, “Why was this condition put on my client’s file?”—I don’t think we would’ve uncovered an error had indeed been made and resolved the issue so quickly. (It turned out a document belonging to another file had been placed in this file, resulting in the condition. By having a non-presumptuous, productive conversation with the underwriter, it allowed the client to realize a mistake had been made on his end before anyone’s feathers got ruffled—essentially making everyone a hero.)

This approach resulted in no harm, no foul. (And no cereal box.)

Try it and let me know how it works out for you!